White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
