My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize