"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
