I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
