he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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