Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
