My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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