I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
