I wanna bring you to show and tell
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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