The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
