Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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