You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
