I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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