He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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