If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you will always have a special place in my vag
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
