if i can run in heels then i can drive
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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