Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
