I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
