Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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