Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
