Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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