I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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