Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
