saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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