just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize