you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
don't judge my taste in strippers
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
