I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
