i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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