Im at strip club and am horny
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Enjoy the penises
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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