I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
