I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize