Don't you send me to vm
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
