just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
