I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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