I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
