Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
