We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
