Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
