the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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