I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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