this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
