Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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