I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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