we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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