All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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