I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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