Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
