Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My vagina is officially offended.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
