I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
