Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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