I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
