weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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