Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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