Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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