just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
