at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
