Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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