Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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