somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
