I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
