i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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