I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
