I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
